Well, as the title says, I’m facing an issue that I’m not sure how to improve.
My partner does not enjoy any sort of clitoris stimulation, I tried everything from rough to gentle, from fingers to tongue, with lube and without. It seems that she truly does not enjoy it in anyway.
She does enjoy penetration very much and I put all of my efforts there, but I feel like I can’t get her to an orgasm/higher pleasure and while she is satisfied right now I fear that over time she wont be.
So my question is what else can I do? There are some other pleasure areas that we use such as ears, emotional connection, fantasies, dirty talk, etc.
Maybe something I haven’t tried on the clitoris? Maybe something else that can take it to the next level? Maybe something that she can do? Maybe just accept that this is okay? Again, she does enjoy herself a lot and is completely satisfied as far as I know, but as I’m her first I think that she is missing out on a level of pleasure that I can’t figure how to help her achieve without the clitoris.
ETA: she does not masturbate, so no guidance or hidden methods on her part.
You can easily fascinate a woman with cheese
My own experience is that the lower and side areas around the opening going into the vagina are a lot more stimulating than the clitoris, which makes penetrative sex so much better. This is not very common for women, but it might apply to your partner. Applying gentle pressure to these areas is good for me so that could be something to try. Gauge her reaction. I believe this preference is very uncommon, and I’ve had partners refuse to believe I like it, so I’m not very open about it anymore.
Thank you I’ll try that 🙏
I hope you know that that is on them, open communication is important and I don’t see a reason to doubt what one says about their own body.
Go by her lead. She will tell you what she wants if she wants it, and you guys have open communication. Don’t over think sex, and sex performance
Talk to your partner about it
I did, she doesn’t have the experience to know what do to and she isn’t against me looking into it, but she is okay as things are right now.
If she is okay with things you should leave it alone, lest you put pressure on her to orgasm which is like, one of the least sexy things I can think of.
You can enjoy sex without orgasming. Sometimes my partner or I will opt for strap sex even though it is harder for both of us to orgasm because it feels nice/scratches a different itch. If she wanted to orgasm during sex she’d probably start masturbating to make it easier to do.
Of course I would not pressure her, I’m just looking to see if there is something that I didn’t think of
Is this something she expects you to figure out for her?
If I were you, I’d explain that you’re open to try anything in any way that she is willing to try with you, but the initiative must come from her. You are there for her to help her figure it out, if she’s interested in trying something.
If she is interested in exploring this, she will. If she is not, well, then nothing you can do will help or convince her. Instead it could become a stressful expectation in itself.My past experience with a shy conservative girl with problems of pain or oversensitivity is that you can’t get anything out of her, except “it’s all fine, it’s all good, feels nice” and you are left wondering, if you just suck at it. Just don’t go there before she opens up.
There are no expectations from her, she is enjoying it and does state that she is and seems satisfied. It’s just that I’m her first and from my experience with others I think she is missing out on a higher level of pleasure that with others always involved the clitoris.
If you don’t mind me asking, how is this affecting you? How do you feel about it?
I’m okay,I just want to see if I can help her get that feeling that she might be missing, but I’m also ready to accept things as they are if nothing works
What does she do when she is doing herself? And is she getting orgasm that way, and is she getting it with you in any way?
If she can do direct clitoral stimulation for herself, it’s possible you are just too rough, a lot of guys are. But also possible that she’s just wired so that direct contact is unpleasant.
It’s hard to recommend without more information but I would suggest a tight angle face to face, that she might be able to sort of grind on you while fucking, to get some vulva stimulation and the inside feeling, that might push her over. Also maybe try playing with her boobs while she’s on top.
Mostly I think you are on the right track with the mental angle - engaging the mind, find out what she thinks about and use that, give up your ideas about every woman being wired the same.
And Do Not Push her. Really listen to what she wants.
Thanks, she does not masturbate, so no knowledge source there.
I’ll try that position you suggested, sounds very intimate as well.
And I am kind of at a last ditch effort here, I of course accept her as she is, I just want to see if there is something I can do to help her orgasm before I give up on the prospect for now. She is very satisfied with our sex life (so as I) but I really think she might be missing out since she never had an orgasm and so she can’t really know what she is missing out on.
Hmm, yes if she does not masturbate I honestly think she might just not be that much into the physical pleasure, you may have to just take what you can get - even though you would be frustrated, she may not be. It’s hard for me to imagine, too! But if she enjoys the closeness and seeing you get off, your expectations may be getting in the way.
Even if she gets frustrated, she will probably have to figure out herself what works. It’s really good she is not faking, don’t push her to the point she feels like that’s the answer.
ETA: tight angle with her legs up if she is flexible, or kind of sideways so one of your legs is against her vulva (look up coital alignment technique) those positions with some amount of outside contact like that are very intense dual stimulation, and if you are yourself angled upward the tight angle with legs up will also hit those front areas inside where the nerves from the clitoris run upward.
my partner just want cuddles.
I like eating peaches!
We are not the same.
Don’t worry, I would never push her and we are both happy, I am also not frustrated with the situation, just wondering if there is something else I can try
It’s probably too sensitive? Have you tried stimulating it indirectly, for example by licking/touching its hood right above it instead?
Also, take your time, listen to the body language and if you sense some kind of positive response you keep doing exactly that, you don’t change the pace, pressure, angle, etc.
I did try that, it seems to just lack any pleasure, it is sensitive, but less then other people I have been with and no matter what I do it does not produce pleasure, usually it just doesn’t do anything for her
Sorry I couldn’t help. Ultimately, communication is key and if you’re both satisfied and she doesn’t feel she needs more or missing out, then there’s no harm :)
Trying to think of a way to bring her to be comfortable in stimulating her body in different ways… What if you’d masturbate by watching her and for you she just mildly rubs her body gently. Then eventually you can ask her to fake rub her vulva to turn you on. Kinda making it her job in a way and associating self rubbing with pleasure. Hopefully that makes sense.
That’s an intersting perspective, thank you
How are you in the same boat as me?
We boarded together?
Mayhaps
Is it that she doesn’t like the sensation or she just can’t cum? It may be too “intense” so you can try stimulating near the clit with a vibrator instead of directly on.
Try G spot simulation- use a couple of fingers in a “come hither” motion inside. Maybe try that after having piv sex as she may be more turned on. Be communicative together.
Try other erogenous zones like nipples and neck simultaneously as clitoral stimulation and/or g spot.
Use toys in all configurations.
It seems that her clitoris is more like a regilar sensitive area with no pleasure option. What I mean is that it is still a sensitive are (less then other people IME) but absolutely nothing about it, no matter the mood, foreplay, or stimulation is pleasurable for her, at best it’s tolerable.
It’s interesting because I have always that way too. Nothing is wrong to my knowledge…it’s just the way I am. Do you think she might be on the asexual spectrum?
I don’t think she is, her sex drive is actually kind of high and she has sexual fantasies, initiates often, etc
Hm. Sounds like something to bring up to a doctor actually. If she’s comfortable and willing. She could have a birth defect or could have had surgery in the area that could have damaged nerves, or she was injured and damaged nerves.
The clitoris is larger than what you see and it might be able to be stimulated from elsewhere if it isn’t injured.
In the meantime try for the g spot and vibrators everywhere until you maybe find something that works.
But yeah, worth mentioning to a doctor.
A doctor is probably not an option unless something serious happens, but thank you for the concern and suggestions 🙏
Probably just ask about it. They could be asexual. Years ago I was with someone who was, and we had sex, a lot of dirty fun, she was totally into it, but she didn’t cum and told me she doesn’t need to. I found out after that she loves having sex just to feel close and connect, not for sexual gratification, she didn’t masturbate either.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gray_asexuality
Without knowing your relationship history, maybe your partner is somewhere in this space but doesn’t openly talk about it?
I don’t think this is the case as she is hornier then me at times, she initiates a lot and has sexual fantasies. I think that she is just satisifed because this is the best sex she has ever had is it is the only sex she has ever had, so she is missing out on something that she doesn’t even know (I think)
Try other areas of her body (e.g. neck, ear, nipple), try full body massage beforehand, her mental state as well as yours will definitely play a role, and there are certain rhythms and grip techniques if penetration is the only positive sensation for her. Also maybe she would be more turned on by switching roles more where you were on the receiving end. Have fun, good luck!
Most of what you suggested is already in practice :)
What do you mean by griping techniques?
I hadn’t considered the other response you got but it is very true! What I was referring to is your hand grip inside. Typically there is a bulb. If you are on top of her (prone) with two fingers inside, do a spiderman web shoot grip and see if you can feel it. Find it and grip it and work your arm like you want to rip it out of her. Definitely start gentle at first but IME the rough stuff will be well tolerated and enjoyable. Oh yea, set a towel down under her and probably a hand towel at the ready 😉
Thanks, I do do that and she does enjoy it but it never went past what I already described
Anecdotal, and not a woman personally, but I’ve had a similar experience from days long gone; ultimately we ended up trying out different toys and the sucking sort of vibrator with lower settings was what got her past the “block”, but it was via masturbation. We’d only move it to our together time after she got comfortable with the sensation and desensitized, as she described it. In our part of the world the main brand name for this kind of toy was “satisfyer”, not sure if that is global though.
After a while it all just clicked and it became something more familiar to me too, with fingers and tongue (though she did still prefer sucking over licking, which for me as a young man back then was new, but very much a priceless enlightenment and a much appreciated skill I later had time to hone more) ultimately joining in and it all becoming something more familiar to my less experienced younger self.
What I’ve learnt since though, is that everyone is so wildly different, that just simply masturbating together, or learning to, if the other party/parties aren’t experienced there, has been key to lasting mutual satisfaction. And people and their needs/wants change over time, that’s also important to keep in mind. And masturbation is the thing that naturally reflects that. Just talk, talk, talk, and then experiment. Try and keep an open mind, and try to be accommodating. Change and new things take time. Try your best not to get frustrated or load too much expectations into the process. And try and understand the other party/parties are the ones having a harder time coming to terms with the fact that they could not meet your initial expectations. They have a lot of pressure due to this, though it’ll ultimately be mutually beneficial.
Also I’ve noted that it’s so easy to fall prey to thinking that you’re the one giving or somehow “improving” their life here, but this is, in fact, your need that needs to get satisfied. You want her to feel things she does not currently. It’s not a bad thing, this is how life is when you share it with someone, but do not think you are being the giving party here. This is your need, which she either chooses to accommodate and figure out together, or not. And you might best start accepting that this experiment might not lead anywhere, and that you might have to change your expectations accordingly.
I agree that this is my desire and that I might to abandon it, but I want to explore any options first as I really do think that she is missing out.
I think that masturbation is important, but that is off the table as of right now for her aince she is uncomfortable with it.
As far as clitoral stimulation, I tried touching, licking, sucking, blowing on it, and more, all in varying degrees of force from gentle to rough. She never enjoys it and at best doesn’t care for it and usually just really doesn’t like the sensation.
Not a woman but a good question to think about is can she orgasm through masturbation? If so ask her to explain and/or show you and incorporate it into your play time
Not applicable as she does not masturbate
Very fascinating. I assume it’s a topic that has already been explored but if not it could be illuminating to do so.
Other recommendation is to explore gspot stimulation with fingers/toys and anal stimulation if she is into it.
Ultimately though don’t worry too much about this if she says she is satisfied. But the lack of clitoral stimulation could require some medical investigation. Something like her hormones could be off.
Thank you!
