Once I turned a suspicious faucet I shouldn’t have and got a blast of this in the face.

This is getting silly. Every time you bring this up, I’m going to bring up the fact that the only other person who was involved in that little spat was you. And now, you’re the only one, because the other guy got on with his life, but you can’t.

This was such a small event, but it seems to fucking define you to this day.

It is true. ed(1) is the standard editor.