When adults said things like “In this day and age, nobody says please and thankyou any more”, I misinterpreted “this day and age” as “The Stayan Age”, which was our current age, which obviously followed on from Bronze Age, Iron Age etc.

Why is it Genghis Khan and not Conan the Barbarian?

Liverpool / Real Madrid?

His main talent is “already having lots of money”.

I had this system for a few decades - I only owned identical black socks with a few white and grey stripes at the top. Any two socks was a pair.

It was unfortunately ruined by a well-meaning present, then destroyed when the shop they used to come from closed down.

Now I live in sock chaos.

Gruel! Three spoons of oatmeal in a bowl, pour about 500ml (~1 pint) of boiling water on it. You can put a bit more oatmeal in, but if you go too far you get porridge. You’re aiming for thin or miserly porridge.

For a mild seasoning, you can cry over the bowl, and let the salt from your tears enhance the subtle flavours. If you’re feeling rich, salt can be purchased from shops and used instead.

For optional nutrients beyond simple survival, you can then throw any leftover or past-best veg, precooked meat or edible garden plants in the bowl. For deliciousness, you can add a bit of butter, or even cheese.

Heat it in a pan on the hob, whilst stirring, for as long as you can be bothered waiting. Cooking for longer tends to make it taste better. Alternately, microwave it for a few minutes.

You’re ultimately going to end up with something like a thick soup (or a luxurious cheese sauce, depending on ingredients) that’s surprisingly filling, and significantly nicer tasting than you might expect from the description.

Gruel. It sounds shit, but it’s ace.