To add, here’s an example of my OpenVPN config addition to ensure 192.168.3.* is accessible over VPN

verb 5
push "route 192.168.3.0 255.255.255.0 vpn_gateway"

imo, this situation is way too complex for internet strangers to effectively help with. It’s definitely worthwhile to seek out therapy to help process these feelings and to make a plan for resolving some of the deeper issues at play.