Years ago I read a reddit thread saying you shouldn’t pursue friendships or relationships at your workplace. Then I again see all over the places over the internet that friendships don’t happen a lot after you become working adult and that they’re struggling make new friends. My question is If you don’t purse friendships, how would those happen?
Want to know about the thoughts of people over here.
Of course you should - make friends with whoever you like! I’ve made friends with colleagues and am still friends with them years after I left.
The only reason I can think of not to is if you or they are loads of drama and you don’t want to bothered by it at work.
People are people wherever you meet them.
The other downside is the situation I’m in. I made friends with a bunch of coworkers, then I got promoted to be their boss. Makes for a very strange power dynamic, where I have to code stitch between boss mode and friend mode.
Plus, I’ve had to fire people who I’ve been friends with for years. That fucking sucks.
I turned down a promotion this year for several reasons, one being that i didn’t want to supervise my friends. I didn’t want the awkwardness, and i was afraid my imposter syndrome would get much worse. My friends know too much, haha
It’s a little confusing because IMO both of these things are true at the same time: it’s good to make friends at work, but by default your coworkers are not your friends.
But that’s really just poor wording.
Having a friend or three at work is wonderful. It can make a shit job tolerable and a decent job fantastic.
Just choose wisely, take your time, and don’t be too trusting too soon. And don’t reveal too much personal information to coworkers that you don’t know well and trust yet. Some of them will use that info against you. Ambitious psychopaths can be very charming.
We’re ambitious sociopaths, thankyouverymuch.
For real you’ve got to keep it tight until you really know someone. Don’t go telling everyone you smoke weed or something like that. You could do something completely innocent, someone takes it personally, and next thing you know you’re up for a random drug test.
But yeah one of the best friends I’ve ever had is my sometimes coworker.
Same. A former coworker and I were in two different bands together, and we’ve stayed in touch over many years. And I’m pretty tight with 2 of my current coworkers, and friendly-chatty with a third.
But I keep everyone else on a low information diet. Especially my boss. He loves to use people’s hobbies, personality quirks, etc, against them. Almost anything that isn’t “working hard like a professional” is seen as some kind of weakness by that idiot. His only real hobby is ‘craft beer’…because of course it is. (Not meant as a slam against people into beer, but my boss thinks that’s an entire personality).
You do whatever you want.
Just don’t be stupid.
Yes, absolutely. Why would you not?
You’re going to see them regularly anyway, so might as well be on friendly terms. Depending on where you work it’s possible or even likely that you’ll share some common interests too.
Yes, you or they will probably leave the company at some point, but that’s no reason not to make friends in the meantime. People come and go all the time; that’s life! If you’re lucky, you’ll make a friendship that survives even if you have to part ways at work. If not, just be happy with the friendship you had for as long as it lasted.
There’s a difference between being on friendly terms and being friends. I’m on friendly terms with everyone I work with, I’m not friends with any of them. Even those I’ve worked with for many years. I’m not at work to make friends or hang out or talk about personal issues. I’ll listen politely to whatever a coworker wants to say to me, but if its not about work I’ll try to redirect the conversation or end it as politely as possible. For me it’s about professionalism; if we’re not talking about a work related subject, we are off topic and wasting time. There’s also the potential for drama that comes with people at work knowing about your personal life and keeping a strict division between work and home avoids that risk.
I have work friends but they are a different category from regular friends. I’m more inhibited around them (or at least try to be). At the end of the day your colleagues and you have got together to make money as opposed to socialise.
The vast majority of work friends don’t become real friends. Just ask anyone who got fired or laid off how many of their work friends called to check in after they’ve left the company.
It’s not that you shouldn’t pursue friendship on the job it’s just that you shouldn’t invest too much in it or expect a lot from those friendships. A true friend is someone you can call in the middle of the night for help and they will drop whatever they are doing without a second thought. If you can’t do that with a work friend they are at most an acquaintance+. Of course there might be one or two colleagues who might become a true friend so don’t give up on making friends in the work place but keep your expectations low.
My wife was my former coworker, and I couldn’t be happier. Do what makes you happy - random internet strangers should have little to no input on your life decisions.
I’m friends with most people I meet. There are only a few friends that I’m comfortable with in all circumstances, however.
I’m friends with my coworkers and enjoy their company at work. It’s very different if I were to be invited somewhere outside of work, and is very contextual. Meeting because of our union? Absolutely. Meeting just to hang? Let me get back to you in 6 weeks. Meeting for beers? You said the magic words, see you in the bar 5:30 sharp.
What do you have to lose by being friends with the people you work with?
It’s not that I don’t like my coworkers, and I do spend some time with them, but I preemptively block them on Facebook to have some safety. I do have them on Instagram but that’s 99% pictures of my dogs or maybe vacation so that’s harmless, with the odd goofy meme thrown in for good measure. But I do not add them anywhere I might express a political opinion or share something overly personal. (I also use filters on Facebook the odd time I do this). Someone once took a post of mine out of context and took it to my manager who met with me about it and scolded me with threats of discipline even though it actually had nothing to do with work, because this woman was in very deep shit for something else and trying to divert attention to other staff, because she’s like that.
Also a couple of my coworkers are sort of passive antivaxxers (in that they got the two doses mandated for work but spend time telling us about how the vaccine doesn’t work and we shouldn’t be forced, etc), so they are blocked everywhere and I share very little with them at work besides brief remarks. I have also had some bad days in the last year where I have simply said things at home are tough because I’m obviously not myself, but didn’t share what. I just keep a healthy distance but am reasonably friendly.
Some of my best and closest friends were former colleagues, men and women. Just happened naturally. Other coworkers were very close during the work, but then drifted apart immediately when the work ended for whatever reason.
But, don’t have a candy dish, don’t be too inviting, don’t be known as someone who listens to gossip. That’s an important boundary to set.
Misery loves company. If anyone reading this has a “friendship” with a coworker based solely on bitching about the job or other coworkers, it’s a liability not a friendship.
I followed the advice to not get close to colleagues for the last 10 years or so and regret it. I did it because I thought it’d make work harder when we disagree and I’m balancing friendship vs professionalism. Realistically, all the people I would have been friends with are mature enough to make it a non-issue.
I have started reaching out to some of my ex-colleagues I got on well with but it’s very difficult to rebuild the relationship without the daily interactions. However, I have a job at the moment because I have reached out to an ex-colleague just to catch up.
I’d say if you meet someone you like, try to make friends. Jobs will come and go but finding good people to surround yourself with gets much harder as you get older.
There’s a difference between work friends and real friends. The rule I follow is that they get to be real friends only after they or I leave. You don’t want them to know too much for your own good.
Like most things, I think the answer is a frustrating “depends.”
I’ve made some life long friends through workplaces. I’ve made workplace friends whom I haven’t really ever thought about when I switched jobs.
Maybe the key is tone the relationship to whatever it’d be if you just knew each other through other friends? If you get along but don’t super click, a casual friendly work acquaintance is probably right. Do you two really get along, have some shared interests/perspectives etc? Then why be constrained with only kicking it at work?
I don’t get why anyone would advise to not make friends. If there is a genuine connection, absolutely make friends. You see these people every week, probably just as much as your own family. It would be a disservice to yourself to not bond with these people. Relationships on the other hand, I’ve seen both happy endings and awkward breakups. I would advise to look for romance elsewhere.
