I was head-over-heels in love with my best friend when I was in my late teens/early 20’s. We had a short-lived romance. Turned out he was quietly suffering through severe depression and killed himself; it destroyed me for a long time.
However, I made a new best friend. We trauma bonded a bit, as he also went through a deep loss. We’ve been together for 10 years, 4 of them married. I love him to death. He’s my ride or die.
There are so many things couples put blinders on, but it’s important to always communicate. I’ve learned that though it’s really hard to express some of your deepest insecurities and feelings, it’s better to discuss the things that you’re struggling with, because a good partner isn’t perfect, yet they will love you, listen to your problems, accept your faults, and help you work on building a life together. Some days you’ll carry the heavier load, other days your partner will.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that a happy marriage takes effort from both partners, and even the most perfect couple has work to do. It’s important to be open about what’s important to you, especially if that changes over time. Everyone hits bumps in the road.
I can’t recommend therapy enough. For any reason. Life is worth living. It gets easier, and with the right support you can heal and grow.
The person who wrote this has not met many married people. I don’t think they ever had a best friend either.
As someone who is 15 years into the situation OP described - yes it’s somewhat of an oversimplication of how it all works… but broadstokewise it’s on the money with the right partner and mindset. Whether your marriage works this way or not comes down to how fungible you both believe your partner to ultimately be and how much you dedicate to being each other’s joy.
Thinking being pessimistic in the face of romance is just “reality” means your chances of experiencing that kind of romance become mighty slim. Optimism and trust are nessisary components to making it happen but are sadly also attractive to abusers. End of the day I wish OP the very best of luck because coming home to your partner excited to see them every day for years on end really is worth the attempt.
Yep, also had a “bad” experience recently with divorce. Still not feeling back to 100%, but I know deep down that a happy, functional relationship is just around the corner. I could meet them at any point, and if we’re true partners, we’ll find a way to be happy with eachother. It’s a little tough to remain optimistic, but it’s dramatically better than giving up and being cold and pessimistic for the rest of my life!
The best part is you don’t even have to be married to have this
